I've told myself I would NEVER post about this particular issue that I'm about to, but I'm at a complete loss as to what to do (hoping my fellow military spouses and awesome readers can help to shed some light). I could literally write a book on this, so I'm going to TRY to give a condensed overview...here goes!
I met my husband through a mutual friend, and knew he was someone special (obviously since here we are years later and married) that I wanted to get to know further. After multiple attempts from my husband, we went out on a date and one thing led to another. I met my husbands parents after a few weeks, and wasn't totally sold, but it wasn't his parents I was dating so I didn't give much thought. Months later we were engaged, and happy as could be...except not everyone was happy. My family was beyond thrilled and couldn't wait to have him as a son (I'm 1 of 3 girls, so my dad was excited to have a guy around), while my husbands family reacted like we had just announced we committed a brutal crime. My MIL wanted nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with the wedding (planning, picking out my dress, decorations, shower, etc.). I was devastated and immediately started questioning what I had done so wrongly to have her feel this way towards me marrying her son. We had multiple conversations with his parents as to why his mom hated the fact we were getting married...she made every excuse in the book and only justified her actions (there is no justification).
As a result, I had no desire to plan the wedding, didn't care who was there, and just wanted the whole thing to be over (not what I had envisioned the happiest day of a girls life to be like). Thankfully, I have a wonderful family who jumped right in and took over. I admit, I pushed back but when I look back it was all because I didn't feel I deserved anything as nice as what my family provided for the wedding. My mom made all the flowers, decorated the tables, planned the food, and organized everything...it was amazing.
When the big day came, my family was there on time and ready to go. My husbands family was late, and segregated themselves from my family. His mom didn't talk to me and his dad followed her command. Our reception was in the same church we got married in so it was super nice and nobody had to drive anywhere. Before the reception was over, his parents evaporated. No congratulations, no goodbye, no nothing...and they didn't even give us a card!! I felt bad for my husband, and even more embarrassed when people asked where his parents were.
As a supportive military wife, I had a BIG going away party for my husband and invited all his friends and family to our home. It was a get turnout :) Despite his family's feelings towards me, I invited his entire family and most showed up. Nobody talked to anyone from my family, they didn't say a single word to me or thank me for the invitation (when I said hi they walked away...real mature), and they sat huddled in the living room obviously avoiding anyone who wasn't family. I knew it was going to be a long deployment with no support from his family, but I had my own family and that was more than enough. I made a commitment to myself that day, that I wasn't going to let his mom dictate our marriage.
So here we are today...and absolutely nothing has changed. In fact, it's only gotten worse!
My husband left shortly after our wedding for Camp Lejeune and was only home a handful of weeks between May and December, before he deployed. His mom didn't call or send him emails, she didn't ask when or if he would be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, or even care to ask when he was leaving the country and for how long. I would get so mad and upset that I would cry over how unloving a mother could be to their children. I was raised to be kind, have an open heart, and love those closest to you because you never know when their last day will be. I just didn't get it! Christmas came around, and I wasn't even invited...yes that's right, I wasn't invited! I had found out when Christmas was from my husbands brothers wife (if that makes sense...and her husband is also deployed) and still up to the week of Christmas I hadn't heard a word as to when they were celebrating the holidays. My husband returned home just days before Christmas, and due to the circumstances we spent Christmas with my family (we didn't even visit his). Days before my husband was to leave again and this time for many many months, I called his mom in a rage of anger. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, but I my emotions were running high as I asked her why she hasn't called, emailed, or let alone come visit her son before he was to leave the country (they live 20 minutes from us, so it's not like they have to drive hours to see him). She got mad and hung up on me, yes a grown women hung the phone up on me. My husband made plans with his dad for all four of us to have dinner before he left, and it was a silent dinner (she would have preferred me not be there so it would be just them and my husband). She didn't say a single word which didn't bother me, but what did was that she didn't even hug him goodbye. He left the next day and hasn't talked to them until today, which brings me to why I'm telling you this big long story.
My husband tries to call me once during the week to see how I'm doing, and I praise him for it. My weeks are long, so it's something I look forward to very much. In the middle of our conversation today my husband told me he talked to his mom...silence fell and tension filled in the air. I don't understand the relationship between my husband and his mom, and I'm not sure I ever will. The thought if her irritates me, and maybe it's because she's caused a lot of tension between my husband and I, or maybe it's because she makes known that I'm not welcome in their home, or because she discloses that she doesn't care for me. I don't know...but what I do know is I refuse to let her ruin our marriage. We are better than that, and much better than her petty little games. I'm beyond lost for words, and don't know how to overcome the feelings I have towards her. I never thought getting married would be this challenging, or emotional...and all because of one person...the MIL. The saddest part of all this, is she treats her other daughter in-law the exact same way (her husband is currently deployed with the Army).
How do I find peace and forgive someone that has done so much wrong? Have you ever experienced anything like this? Please tell me I'm not alone! (If you want to email rather than comment please do...I'll take any suggestions you can give)